let all the cats go free

i couldn’t sleep lastnight, i walked alone on the beach where we always used to go when we couldn’t hook up at home.

all i want is:

• my own place, with rachel.  and my baby can move in with me.
• the only boy i will ever want as long as i have a choice is jesse reimert.
• a white bulldog named waffle
• saturday not to come :’( i don’t want you to leave.
• white walls, white sheets and mosquito netting.
• a permanent sleepover; the ability to wake up in your arm’s every day for the rest of my life.
• dirty blonde hair.

things i love about summer:

• getting off work to pile into a car without air conditioning, windows down, 150 on the road, make it to the lake in half an hour.  
• getting there and jumping straight off the cliff into the water.
• skinny dipping, even though it almost results in drowning every time.
• random friends, and random guys and in rachel’s case, random bisexual girls. (OMG YOUR BODY IS SO SEXY, I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE DATING A BOY.)
• watching nightmare before christmas outside in a hammock, then just laying around after and looking at the stars.
• iced tea (but not the need to pee non-stop)
• shorts some days, bikini bottoms the rest.
• harry potter! woo ya woo ya.  me and rachel cried when dumbledore died and laughed at pretty much everything else.  (pincerssss)
• i’m sorry but there is something said about being able to do it outside.
• sleeping outside, nights in a row on jesse’s deck, watching the stars and saying “I wonder how many of them are dead” at the exact same time.
• sunglasses, wind in your hair, driving with your feet out the window.

i wish i could relive this day for the rest of my life, over and over again.  everything about it was perfect.

What can I do? Say it’s true, or everything that matters breaks in two.  Say it’s true.  I’ll never ask for anyone but you.

me & jussy walked home in the trails behind the hospital at 1:00 in the morning after the fireworks.  my head hurts.  he gave me a promise ring. :/ but also :*  it’s manly because i am a man.

you can have my heart, you don’t have to steal anymore.

today was our math 30 pure diploma, now i’m done with high school math for forever.  i have my chem on tuesday and my english part b on thursday.  i’m getting my nails done on friday next week.  our cap & gown starts at 10:00am and we’re getting pictures done before in the football field.  then i get my hair done, and we get pictures taken at harmatten at 4:00.  me and mac are going in a limo with rachel, joel, kari, ethan, kayla and her date from rocky.  mac’s mum ordered our corsages and boutonnières, and im going with jesse tomorrow to buy a suit for him to wear.  i can’t believe we’re graduating.  that next saturday will be our last day together as a class.  i’m so excited but im sad too because being an adult seems insanely boring and i’ll miss being a kid.

im gonna do what i want, wear what i want.  im sick of being judged by people who shouldn’t care.  i dont care if i look slutty, or trashy, or trendy, i wanna wear what i like without someone saying a comment that i could care less about.  honestly.

i just want someone to want me all the time.

i dont like having relationships based on sex, but i always make them that way.  i dont care if i want you just for doing, but i dont want to be wanted just for doing.  i am a hypocrite, but im okay with it.

i want “ocean pearl” tattooed on one foot and “bright new world” tattooed on the other.  yea 54-40 and gay memories!